Tesla: Part Deux


Elon Musk outlines his super secret master plan to save, or destroy, the world

Jeff Knoespel

Real life Iron Man/Bond Villain and Tesla CEO Elon Musk released a statement this week revealing the details of his “Master Plan: Part Deux” for Tesla.

The first part of Musk’s “Master Plan,” involved creating a low-volume car, which would necessarily be expensive; using that money to develop a medium volume car at a lower price; then using that money to create an affordable, high volume car; and finally, providing solar power.

Part Deux, Musk said, can be summed up as: create stunning solar roofs with seamlessly integrated battery storage, expand the electric vehicle product line to address all major segments, develop a self-driving capability that is 10 times safer than manual via massive fleet learning, and enable Tesla’s to make money for owners when they aren't using it.

The first step of Part Deux involves Tesla’s potential acquisition of sister company SolarCity. Although the two have always been separate companies, Musk has been central to the success of both. Through an acquisition, SolarCity would provide solar panels for the roofs of homes, which would power both the home itself and charge the batteries in Tesla’s Powerwall concept. Pretty neat, if you like the idea of renewable, clean energy at no cost after initial investment.

Step two involves new models from Tesla, which would most likely be a compact SUV and a “new kind of pickup truck.” It isn’t clear what he means by “new kind,” but it could mean a pickup truck for people other than Bud Light drinkers, or it could simply mean the first-ever electric pickup. The latter would be delightfully torquey, a desirable truck characteristic, I’m told.

Developing a self-driving software that is 10 times as safe as a human driver is quite a feat. Though Tesla seems to be further along its way to achieving this goal than other automakers, it comes with the risk of inevitable casualties. But hey, it’s just a beta, right?

But when they get all the beta testing done, your Tesla will be making money for you! While you’re at work making money and doing business, your autonomous Tesla will be an Uber driver. That way all the poor people who can’t even afford an entry level Tesla can experience the thrill of electric car transport, while vomiting all over the back seat.

How many steps there are in Musk’s master plan, and what the end result will be are still unclear. Though it’s probably safe to assume it involves launching a successful car company on Mars.