A Look Inside the Mind of a Car Addict
Recently I interviewed for a dreary grown-up job because expressing opinions on the internet apparently doesn’t produce enough bacon. So as I sat in a sad fluorescent lit room, overwhelmed by the scent of dry-erase and a man wearing grotesque amounts of aftershave, I prepared for the barrage of questions that I had no answers for. “What do you know about the company?” “Uhhh...that you have a job opening.” “What are your strengths?” “I am good at communicating with team members and superiors to make sure everyone is on the same page and tasks get done efficiently and effectively... also, does sarcasm count as a strength?” The one question that stood out to me was “What is your 5 year plan?”. Even though I answered relative to my environment “Work hard enough to have your job”, I couldn’t help but drift to my garage and imagine what cars I might have in the next 5 years.
In order to do this properly I’ll let you know what I currently own and what I would sell for each step of my 5 year plan. My garage currently consists of a 1987 Porsche 944 track car, 1988 Supercharged MR2 project, 1975 Porsche 914 2.0, 2004 Volvo V70R and 1989 Porsche 911 Carrera 4.
5. 1985 Alfa Romeo GTV6
I have always had a great appreciation for this car. I love the 80s-ness of it and that it is a very usable, very unique hatchback. It wasn’t until this year that I actually heard the siren song of its V6 engine. That was it for me. I now need a GTV-6 more than Richard Hammond needs a shave. The 944 and the MR2 (once complete) would need to go to cover the cost of a good driver with some suspension bits on it. Let’s say $9,000.
4. 1970 Chevrolet Corvette
I’ve never owned a muscle car and feel like it is a right of passage that I’ve ignored. Honestly, I believe it is one of the reasons I have such weak beard game. The 1970 Corvette seems like the most logical transition for me because of its size and weight compared to the other cast iron behemoths america made at the time . Then when I discover that it handles corners worse than I handle interviews, I still get to look and listen to this stunning American classic. My devotion to this idea is so great I would devoid my garage of all practicality to get it. A year or so after I got the Alfa I would sell the V70R ($5,500), 914 ($6,000) and add a scoop of debt ($12,000).
3. 2005 Lotus Elise
I fully expect the veneer of muscle car ownership to wear off about as fast as the car empties its tank. So after a season the Corvette ($22,000) and the GTV-6 ($9000) (which I’ve owned for a couple years at this point) would be sold for the exact opposite of both cars, a Lotus Elise. The absolute focus on being completely useless is very charming to me. It means the designers and engineers had a single vision that they both worked toward. The Elise is another bucket list car of mine that I’ve come close to buying a few times but picked my 911 instead. This time I’m going to do it… I promise. For real guys, it’s going to happen.
2. 2006 Aston Martin DB9
Once again I predict my ADD will get the better of me after another summer. By this point I firmly believe that I will be an established, mature, gentleman/assassin and for that kind of man there is really only one car, an Aston Martin DBS. BUT since I’ll be a middle class self funded version of James Bond I’ll settle for a DB9. Every time I see one I am impressed with the lines and the command the coupe has on the road. It’s like Mufasa wearing a dinner jacket. I can comfortably predict that high-mileage examples of the DB9 in 4 years will sell for mid 30’s which is what the Elise should be worth.
1. 2011 Porsche Cayenne Turbo S
I suspect that 5 years in the future I will have toys that need hauling and maybe even tiny maniacs to tote around. So naturally I need something practical and responsible. Like a 550 hp twin turbro’d V8 SUV. I don’t have deep convictions for this particular car but it seems like the least responsible, responsible vehicle I could pick at this time. I’m not sure I could get myself to sell any of my real cars to get this monstrosity. As a proud American I will follow the example of our great government and declare with my head held high, trumpets blaring and bald eagles screeching “More Debt Please!!!” :)
Man, I need to get this job... What cars are a part of your 5 year plan? Which cars did you hate in my list? Let us know in the comments or you can tweet @JeffyWK with your complaints.
